How to talk to your child about online predators

For many parents, the scariest thing about children and teens going online is the risk of them encountering an online predator. And while it can be a difficult subject to discuss, it’s important to be informed so that you can keep your child safe.

You can start with safeguards such as avoiding apps that make contact with strangers easy (including apps like Kik and Tinder), keeping their social media accounts private, and setting limits on where and when they can use devices.

The most important thing you can do is arm them with information so they can know how to stay safe online.

Talking to younger kids (up to age 13)

• Stick to the facts. When a child is younger, it is more difficult for them to understand complex and scary issues such as online predators. That’s why, whenever possible, it’s best to stick to the facts. For example: “Just like how we have to be cautious of strangers at the park we need to be cautious of strangers online. There are some people who try to talk to children online and have bad intentions. You can stay safe by letting me know right away if you ever get a message from a stranger or a message from someone that makes you feel uncomfortable on any of your devices.”
  
• Leave the door open. It’s important to start an open, honest conversation about staying safe online from a young age and to continue the discussion as your child gets older. Tell your kid to come back to you when (not if) they have more emotions about the situation or questions. Using the word “when” gives them the opportunity to express their emotions more than “if.”

• Set tech boundaries as a family. Limits help children feel safe and teach them how to self-regulate. It can be beneficial to create a family media plan so that you can set clear, realistic limits together. Let your child know that they should never share their address or other personal information online. Talk about app limits, parental controls, no tech times, and ways that you can all use technology in healthier ways.
  
• Look out for triggers. Discussing these big topics can cause some children to feel increasing fear or depression. If your child is withdrawn, depressed, not wanting to leave the house to go to school or be with friends, then this is a sign that seeking more help is important.

Talking to teens (age 13 and up)

• Ask what they know.  Older children may already know about online predators.  However, there is a risk that they don’t fully understand the dangers and how they can stay safe online. Start the conversation by asking what they know and answering any questions they have.
  
• Stranger danger. Teach them about how it is easy to lie online, and the dangers of talking to strangers. This goes beyond social media sites as gaming sites (such as Xbox, Stream, Discord, Twitch, and Roblox) are also a threat because of built-in chat rooms. Make it clear that they are NEVER to meet up with someone they encounter online. Above all else, encourage them to come to you if they ever find themselves in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
  
• Teach them to block the creeps. Online predators can show up in chat rooms, social media comments, or private direct messages. Teach your child that if they ever get a message online that makes them feel uncomfortable or is from a stranger, they need to immediately block the person. Let them know it is not okay for an adult to make suggestive comments about their appearance online or ask them to send photos — if they ever encounter that kind of behavior, they need to let you know immediately so you can get the authorities involved.  
  
• Talk about catfishing. Catfishing is when someone uses a fictitious persona online. The goal of a catfisher is typically to mislead someone into an online relationship. For example, your teen might think they are talking to someone on the soccer team at a neighboring high school when it’s actually a child predator in disguise. The catfisher can steal photos from the social media accounts of a real teenager and share details about their life, which makes this fake persona very convincing. We know this may be frightening to think about, but it’s just another reason why it’s so important to teach your teen that ‘stranger danger’ applies just as much to the online world as real life.
  
• Hold space for their emotions. Talking to your teen about online predators can bring up a lot of big emotions, especially if they’ve encountered inappropriate comments online before. Take some time to check in with how they are feeling and ask how you can best support them.

Find support

We know trying to keep your child or teen safe online can be overwhelming for some parents, but the good news is you don’t have to navigate this alone. With the help of a mental health therapist or coach, your child or teen can navigate all the big emotions these topics bring up and gain tools for safe tech use.