How to talk to your child about social media peer pressure

Every family has different rules when it comes to things like bedtimes, curfews, dating, and social media. The good news is that there’s no right or wrong here — it’s all about what works best for your family and aligns with your values.

Where it gets tricky is when other family’s values differ from your own and your child may feel pressured to fit in. This is very prevalent in social media usage and can be a polarizing topic. 

So, how can you help your child navigate social media peer pressure when their friends have different restrictions regarding tech use? 

Start with family values. Family values are the guiding principles that help your family make decisions and live your lives as authentically as possible. You can establish family values about anything — including the use of technology. Establishing family values around social media usage can help your child understand the WHY behind some of the restrictions that may differ from their friends. Let them know that your family values are there to keep them safe and healthy. 

Here are some thought starters to help define your family’s values around social media usage: 

• What role do you want social media to play in your life? 
• How much of your life are you comfortable sharing online? 
• Does social media make you feel more or less connected to your friends? 
• Is social media a place where you can creatively express yourself? Or does it serve as a distraction and a place for comparison?
• How do you feel after spending time on social media? 

Have the tech talk. Take some time to sit down as a family and get clear on what you're comfortable with when it comes to your child’s social media usage. Explain to your child that although their friends may have different restrictions when it comes to social media usage, they must follow your family’s values around tech use. As you discuss here are some things to consider: 

• What age are they allowed to be on social media? 
• Are they allowed to have a public or private account? 
• What platforms are they allowed on? (ex: Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok) 
• Are they allowed to post photos showing their face? 
• Are they allowed to be in photos their friends post online? 
• Can they look at social media on a friend's phone if they aren’t allowed on it yet themselves?
  

Make space for their feelings. It can be confusing for a child to have different rules than their friends, so validate whatever is coming up for them. Make space and time to actively listen and let them know what they are experiencing is completely normal and understandable.

Discuss online safety often. It’s important to start an open, honest conversation about staying safe online from a young age and to continue the discussion as your child gets older. While they are tough topics to discuss, knowing the dangers of online predators and scammers can help your child understand why they have to follow certain restrictions when it comes to social media usage. Let them know they can always come to you if they ever find themselves in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.

Encourage their IRL hobbies or activities. Encourage your child or teen to find a class, club, or activity that interests them. Make time to get outside as a family by planning a picnic, a hike, or a trip to the beach and plan “no screen” experiences as much as possible.

Communicate with other parents. While you can’t change how other parents raise their children, you can give them a heads-up about your child’s social media restrictions. Before your child comes over for a playdate or sleepover, send a quick message letting the parents know what level of social media usage you're comfortable with your child participating in.

If you find your child could use extra support to help overcome social media peer pressure a mental health coach or therapist can be a great resource. By working with a mental health professional your child can learn to connect with the emotions that social media and tech use brings up, set realistic goals to reduce their screen time, and learn tools for feeling their best on and off the internet.