Untangling All Things Digital for Parents with Dr. Lisa Damour 🎥

Dr. Lisa Damour’s advice on following a digital wellbeing checklist to navigate what practices work best for families in the internet era.

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TV Journalist, “Ask Lisa” Podcast Co-Host, and Founder of Good Trouble Productions Reena Ninan sat down with Psychologist, Author, and “Ask Lisa” Co-Host Dr. Lisa Damour at our NYC Digital Parenthood Summit to offer parental advice to ensure that kids are being nurtured in the digital age. Like any other stage of your child’s life, their introduction to technology is a slow process—so let’s make it a good one. 

Here’s 5 key points on Dr. Lisa’s checklist

1. Weigh social technology vs social isolation
   • Ask your child, “Are you able to maintain connections with your peers without digital technology?” and, depending on their answer, brainstorm the best way for them to keep up with their friends without too heavily relying on social media. Texting gets kids very far, so start with giving them access to texting before social media and see how they handle themselves. When first giving your child a phone, institute a phone ban from their bedroom. A kid who is asking for a device will agree to anything to get one, so this is an easy boundary to set up. If you make this a non-negotiable, they will agree to it, and you can continue to implement rules against devices at the table, on walks, and during family time. For best results, parents should lead by example and also avoid bringing their own devices into their bedrooms. 
2. Be wary of toxic contents
   • Social media content that promotes eating disorder behavior, unhealthy exercise, pornography, and hate-based, violent, and degrading content is no joke, and it will pop up even if your child didn’t search for it. Be ready to speak with your kids about the prevalence of toxic and harmful content when they do get access to a browser. 
3. Don’t be against technology—be for things that help kids thrive
   • To maintain healthy development, kids need lots of sleep, physical activity, in-person time with friends, to help around the house and their community, and to study with focus. Make sure that your child is getting everything that’s nourishing for their development. What’s left is up for negotiation. 
4. “Name it and tame it”
   • Research on how social media harms kids shows social comparison as a top contender. Unfortunately, it’s easy for kids to look at others online and feel less than. Implement emotional vocab to start conversations about social comparison. For example, “I was looking online and felt envy when I saw vacation photos from another family. Have you felt envy when looking online?” The mere act of naming an emotion brings it down to size, and, according to Dr. Lisa, “If you can name it, you can tame it.”
5. Keep conversing
   • It’s harder to have meaningful conversations with kids about technology than just about every other topic. Instead of showing up with a head full of steam and a full agenda of concerns, give them a heads up about the conversation days in advance. Say things like: “Talk to me about your phone. Tell me what’s working for you.” If they feel heard when answering this question, there is a decent chance they will be honest about what’s not working, and you can brainstorm ways to help. As parents, we may not understand why technology is so important to kids because we didn’t grow up with it like they are, so it’s important that we listen.

Watch Dr. Lisa Damour’s full panel here

Parents, want to see the family guide to a child’s first cell phone? Check out this article.